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Your December Horoscope

The seasons change, and so too do our fates advance! The air chills, and the universe's machinations develop further towards our final fates. Those weighty chains called destiny bind us, but they can be read! Journey lower on this page and face inevitability with the greatest tool one can wield: preparedness.


Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21): You'll be receiving a gift that you have no care for. The Stars hope you could turn this misfortune into a blessing for another.


Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19): Don't gamble this month. I know it's fun, it's super fun, but seriously. Just wait a month. Bet with like candy or chips or something, but you WILL lose money. The Stars know, they were the ones who stacked the cards against you. Nothing personal.


Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18): Keep careful count, The Sky says. Of everything you can! Whatever belongings you have with you, the trees you drive past, the assignments you have pending, the hours you've worked, even count the grains of rice in your bowl if you're able. Numbers are sneaky, and The Sky knows they'll take advantage of you if they can.


Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20): It doesn't always pay to pay attention! The Stars see epiphany, locked within your subconscious mind. Let your mind wander whenever you have a free moment, perhaps this elusive realization will surface. Really, don't think, genius is shy, and other thoughts scare it.


Aries (Mar. 21- Apr. 19): The Earth feels dirty. You littered. Personally, I despise litterbugs, but maybe you did it on accident. Pay attention to your waste, and don't get The Earth all dirty! Not to mention that you could be fined by local authorities.


Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20): The Stars were shining extra bright for you to see the other day, and you didn't even look at them once that night! That's horribly rude of you, I think you should admire them as much as you can to make up for it. They're gorgeous this time of year (and all the other times, too).


Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 22): Much to my surprise, I received a call from Saturn while doing my divining for this month. Our outer solar system is usually rather quiet, but Saturn was quite concerned about your feet. Perhaps you need new shoes, or you need to trim your toe nails, or you'll get a foot injury of some sort, or maybe you'll step in something smelly and track it all through the house. They weren't quite sure, but they figure better safe than sorry. Saturn is very thoughtful, I wish they'd call more.


Cancer (Jun. 21 - Jul. 22): Don't lie to your doctor. That includes dentists. The Stars promise you can trust them, the threat of litigation is more than enough for them to not judge you.


Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 23): The Sky tires of the words you say. I was actually a bit startled with how cranky they were, they said "either shut them up or teach them new words." A cranky sky isn't good for any of us, so please learn some new words. It'll distinguish you among your peers, besides. The other option is stop talking, but that would cause some problems for you, I'm sure.


Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sep. 22): Forcing your views onto others is the height of arrogance, and only serves to discredit those same views you find so imperative that others hold. Keep your mind open, your words clear, and give people ample reason to agree with you. The heavenly bodies had naught to say to you, so this comes straight from your Emissary of The Cosmos. I did ask if it was alright to say, there were no major objections among them.


Libra (Sep. 23 - Oct. 22): The Earth can smell you. It isn't a bad smell, they just wish it was different. As in, they think there's a better smell for you. They don't wanna say you should change deodorant or soap scents, but hey, maybe it would be a fun change.


Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21): You're pronouncing that word wrong. The Sky says you know which one. If I had to guess, it's one of the following: nuclear, vinyl, gif, library, or Nevada. So educate yourself, please.

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